How to Give Negative Feedback in a Constructive Way

Want to increase the odds that your “negative” feedback will be heard?

You never know where you are going to find great examples of interpersonal communication skills.

In this case, it was from an MMA podcast, Believe You Me, with former UFC Lightweight and now commentator Paul Felder and former UFC Middleweight champion Michael Bisping.

The two were discussing a controversial call that a UFC ref whom they both respect made at the last UFC event.

I was so taken by how info-rich the short conversation was, I now include it in my seminars.

Notice how Paul describes how he would bring it up his negative feedback to the ref.

Notice the way he says how he would start it off…it’s a very sincere statement of his high regard for Mark, the ref.

His words, his voice tone, and his facial expressions all communicate that he has great respect for Mark.

Him doing that and coming from a place of sincerity sends what Stephen Porges, creator of hashtag#polyvagaltheory calls “Cues of Safety”-i.e. he’s signaling to the other person’s nervous system that they are safe, that this isn’t an attack.

That’s why coming from a genuinely caring, “seek first to understand” place dramatically reduces the odds the person will feel threatened by the feedback we are about to give.

Also, notice also that, when he gives his opinion, he says “I think…” vs. just saying “You were wrong.” or “You blew that one.” (BTW…notice the difference between how Paul phrased it and how Michael did 🙂 )

Stating your opinion, your perspective as an opinion and perspective– and not as a fact– not only shows maturity*, it also shows respect for the other person (i.e. it’s not an “I’m am making a pronouncement about you, so listen up”) and…

…dramatically increases the odds the person will listen to your feedback because they don’t feel like they have to defend themselves someone positioning themselves in a One Up position (by making a pronouncement vs. sharing their perspective.)

If you’re interested in learning more about the workshop Constructive Feedback: How to Give Feedback That Gets Results and Builds Relationships, contact us.