How to Give Feedback So It’s Heard and Welcomed

Here are 11 questions to help you deliver important feedback more effectively.

If you would prefer this in a word document, click here.

Before the Conversation

  1. Have you done your due diligence so you are SUPER clear regarding the facts, context, details, and backstory?
  2. If you’re upset, are you doing the work to get into a constructive emotional and mental state before having the conversation?
  3. Are you going into it with a desire for a dialogue, not a monologue, i.e., are you genuinely curious about their perspective?
  4. Are you willing to discover your perception is not totally accurate…or even wrong?

During the Conversation

  1. Your word choice and voice tone…do you use the least amount of intensity and force to get the point across?
  2. Are you using descriptive, sensory-based language for both what you’re not OK with and what you want instead—i.e., your desired outcome?
  3. Do you use language and voice tone that communicates “We’re two adults here” vs. “I’m the teacher scolding the student”?
  4. Do you ask questions both to help you understand where they are coming from, and to help them explore why they did what they did, and their thoughts about how to do it better?
  5. Do you check in to get their thoughts about what you just said vs. going on and on and on and on and on…?
  6. Do you invite them to share their perspective, e.g. “So that’s what I’m seeing…do you see it differently?”
  7. Do you use paraphrasing at times to acknowledge you understand what they’re saying, especially if they seem to be getting upset or especially intense about trying to get you to understand their perspective?

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